Another thing Rafe Esquith said during his talk that has really stuck with me was, "My favorite word when teaching children is yet."
He went on to explain that there are many things kids aren't ready for yet. It doesn't mean they will never be ready. I'm finding this seems like a great way to help kids understand when they lose a privilege or opportunity. I explain to students that they are not showing that they are ready yet for the responsibility of new materials or that they are not ready yet for free choice because they have not finished their math work or they are not able to control their body/words/actions. Saying that they are not ready 'yet' suggests that they will be ready soon. I like that implication.
Rafe makes kids explain to him what they need to do to in order to get to do whatever they are not ready for yet. This adds more responsibility for the students to think about what they need to do.