It's not the kids. It's totally me. It seems like recognizing that is a first step. That's possible. If so, I am completely unable to get past that first step.
The worst part is that this is a vicious cycle. I'm cranky with the students when they don't deserve it (I'm not sure first graders ever deserve it) so the kids act up in response which results in me getting crankier.
I've got lots of excuses but not one that makes my behavior okay.
I think I might need a behavior modification plan for myself. Something that tracks my crankiness and rewards me for doing what's right. Maybe one of my fabulous colleagues will help me design and implement something. At this point it seems clear that I can't shake this off on my own.