I heard that phrase a lot as a student. I'm sure my parents heard it about me quite a bit as well. Frequently I was 'not meeting my potential.'
Right now it is true as a teacher. I firmly believe I can be a good teacher. At times a very good teacher. But not right now.
Right now I am cranky. Right now I am short tempered. Right now I have no patience.
As a result I am raising my voice. As a result I am threatening. As a result I am punishing. As a result I am scowling a lot.
This isn't about my students. It would be easy to blame them, blame spring fever, blame not enough outdoor recess, blame blah, blah, blah. It's not about them. They are delightful. They are bright. They are funny. They are excited to be at school.
Sadly, this is about me.
I know there are many factors affecting me right now; worries about some things at home, Testing Affective Disorder, stress about all that must happen as the year wraps up, frustration about things at school.
Knowing those factors isn't enough. For at least the past week I have listened to myself and been pained at what I heard. I knew as I was talking to my students that what I was doing was unfair to them and not what I believe in. In spite of that I couldn't or wouldn't make a change.
I don't have a solution. I will work extra hard starting tomorrow to meet my potential.