I can not save children. Sadly, I have to remind myself of that fairly often.
Recently there was an intern teaching in my classroom. As a result, I had more free time than usual. One of the things I've did with that time was meet with my little mentee more often. As a classroom teacher it is hard to find free time in my day that also fits in her day to meet. So for a few weeks I was seeing her a couple of times a week. She was in my class last year and it was an exceptionally rough year for her personally.
Working with her and talking with her teacher has me struggling with questions that have always nagged at the back of my mind. When is it reasonable to hold children accountable? How do we draw the line between all that is weighing on them and the expectations we have for them at school?
This little girl is not meeting benchmarks in school. Given the situation in her life I don't find that even remotely surprising. Her behavior does not meet our expectations. Again, I'm not surprised by this. Any adult would struggle with their daily life under such circumstances.
At some point this little girl has to become responsible for herself and her actions, regardless of the trauma she has endured. When does she cross that line? Age 12? 16? 18? 21? How on earth do we set a date by which she has to pull herself up and do what society expects of everyone?
And how do we, as a society, sleep at night knowing that we are, in many ways, failing our most vulnerable?
3 comments:
oh jenny, i hear you!!! i teach in a school with high poverty. my kids have parents in jail, parents headed to jail, parents that abuse them, and the list goes on....i have the number for child protective services memorized. it's just not fair....i often think....what is our world coming to when so many of these kiddos basic needs are simply not being met. frustrates the heck outta me....
I hear you both, too! I teach (or work, until Friday) at a school where my students are just as "ya ya's mom" said hers are. My heart aches for them, and I want to do the right thing for each of them.
Your post, and this little one, have haunted me. The worst thing we can do is to teach her to be a victim- that when bad things happen to her she can get extra attention and can be given excuses. I've seen another child in this similar situation who never seemed to learn to recover from such incidents because she became so comfortable being a victim. But even typing that seems heartless- we haven't experienced what she has, and all we want to do is to erase it and take away her pain.
How do we teach a 7 year old to have strength & to recover from such an incident so that her life does not become defined by that one incident? How do we help her move on while allowing her to grieve? How do we allow her to feel that she has control in her own life again?
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