The Flip Side of High Expectations

I've been mulling something as a parent that was highlighted today as a teacher as well.

We ask more of kids than we do of ourselves.

As a parent, I've noticed that I often tell my children not to use a certain tone in frustration or anger even though I use a certain tone in exactly that manner. I require that they talk with me to work through a problem, even though, when in their shoes I might want some cooling down time before having such a conversation. I tell my daughters they have to answer me when I ask them a question or say something to me to acknowledge me but I don't always respond to them when they speak to me.

I was in a classroom today while one of our astoundingly wonderful counselors was talking to the students about what to do when they are feeling grouchy. As they all talked together I realized that students don't have a lot of options in school when they are upset. A teacher might let them take a break from things but they can't listen to music, take a walk, talk it out with someone, or any of the things we do to help us cope.

My students are six and seven years old. My daughters are eight and five. Why do I expect them to have more control of themselves than I have of myself? Why do I not offer them the same options I want when things are rough?

I don't have an answer to those questions nor a quick response for the future. As seems to so often be true, this is something I'm going to have to keep thinking about.